Basic Overview of Divorce Proceedings in Malaysia

Hi everyone, its been a while since I posted anything on this blog since I was busy with so many things. Today's topic is on Divorce Proceedings, a matter that some may feel as unsavory but nonetheless still necessary in life.

Divorce in Malaysia is regulated by the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act. This law regulates all marriages and divorces of non-Muslims in the country.

Most people who come to seek advice, have no idea how to go about the divorce proceedings. To begin, a Divorce is only for couples who have registered their marriage. Couples who have been living together but have not registered need not get a divorce as they have no legal obligations to each other.

Generally there are two types of divorce i.e. Single Petition and Joint Petition. A Single Petition is when only one of the parties to the marriage seeks a divorce. A Joint Petition is when both parties to the marriage mutually agree to divorce.

Usually a Joint Petition Divorce is much easier and straightforward. Since both parties agree to divorce, they must also agree to the terms and conditions of the divorce i.e. custody of children, maintenance, division of matrimonial property etc. If both parties can come to an agreement the Joint Petition can be filed together with the agreed terms in Court and an order for divorce can be granted in a short amount of time. The order for divorce is called a an Order of Decree Nisi. This order is temporary and the divorce is only confirmed after a period of 3 months. Anytime within this period, the parties can cancel the divorce if they choose to. After 3 months the order becomes a Decree Nisi Absolute, i.e. the divorce is permanent.

In a Single Petition however, only one of the parties to the marriage is requesting for a divorce either because the other party refuses to divorce or in some cases no longer traceable. For whatsoever reasons, not all divorces can be settled amicably, some can be quite messy.

If only one party to the marriage wants a divorce, he or she must first go to the National Registration Department and go to the Marriage & Divorce division and apply for a referral to the Marriage Tribunal for reconciliation. The Tribunal will fix a date for both husband and wife to appear and hear their matrimonial issues. If the Tribunal is satisfied that the marriage cannot be saved, they will issue a certificate stating that there is no other recourse but to proceed with the divorce. The Tribunal will also issue the certificate, if one of the parties fails to attend the Tribunal hearing for more than 3 times.

After the Tribunal issues the certificate, the aggrieved party can proceed with filing a Single Petition in Court. The Court will fix a date for both parties to appear and for pleadings to be filed. This can be a long drawn out affair depending on the attitude of both parties and the more complicated the case the more expensive the legal fees become. After pleadings has been filed, and after a hearing has been carried out, the Court will then decide on the terms of the divorce, including custody of children, maintenance, division of matrimonial property etc. Similar to a Joint Petition, the order will be for Decree Nisi which shall only become absolute after 3 months i.e. the divorce will become permanent after 3 months from the order, and during that time the divorce can be set aside.

Some couples don't bother to get a divorce and just split up and go their separate ways. But this kind of approach will only come back to haunt them the moment they want to re-marry or when inheritance issues arise.

Any other questions relating to divorce, maintenance, custody, division of matrimonial property, etc can be sent to this email: divorce.matrimony.malaysia@gmail.com

An Article on Divorce by Dr James Dobson

Dr James Dobson shares with us why he rarely recommends to unhappy and angry spouses that they seek a divorce and get on with their lives and why he considers divorce to be a last resort?

Divorce

Divorce often looks like the easy solution to a very unpleasant situation and indeed, there are situations wherein it is necessary (continued infidelity, etc). However, divorce and its aftermath are difficult for both partners and rarely deliver on the promise of "a quick fix." It is usually far more painful than advertised.

Everyone loses when a marriage turns sour, especially the children involved. Surprisingly, their grandparents struggle too. I read recently that the parents of divorcing children typically suffer as much as their waning sons and daughters. In-laws can do nothing but stand and watch as two people they love begin clawing one another to pieces, leaving wounded grandchildren in their wake. Certainly, there are no winners when a marriage begins to unravel.

Those who contemplate divorce as the answer to "soul hunger" or the lack of romantic attachments in marriage, which may be the majority of families that split up, remind me of a documentary film made during the early days of motion pictures. Near the top of the Eiffel Tower stood a self-styled inventor with a pair of homemade wings strapped to his arms. This fellow was determined to fly.

The jerky black-and-white film captures him pacing back and forth, looking down, and trying to work up the courage to jump. Despite the primitive camera work, the viewer today can see the uncertainty of the inventor. "Should I or shouldn't I?" Finally, he climbed on the rail, wobbled for a moment, and then jumped. Of course he fell like a rock. The camera then panned straight downward as the "flier" descended to his death on the street below.

Many depressed and hurting people are like that hapless man on the Eiffel Tower. They are enticed by the lure of freedom – by the promise of glorious and unencumbered flight…by an escape from family stresses. They stand on the railing wondering, Should I or shouldn't I?

Those who take the plunge usually discover that their wings fail to provide the lift they expect. Instead, they soon tumble headlong into custody battles, loneliness, bitterness, and even poverty. So much for freedom, which was defined in the lyrics to the song "Me and Bobby McGee" as "just another word for nothing left to lose."

Except in unusual cases, divorce is not an easy answer to the stress of a troubled marriage. It usually involves a ripping and tearing of flesh. That fact is now verified by research. Divorce puts people at a high risk for both psychiatric problems and physical disease.

Dr. David Larson, psychiatrist and researcher in Washington, D.C., reviewed medical studies on the subject and made some starting observations. For instance, being divorced and a non-smoker is only slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack or more a day and staying married. Also, every type of terminal cancer strikes divorced individuals of both sexes, more frequently than it does married people.

What's more, premature death rates are significantly higher among divorced men and women. Physicians believe this is because the emotional trauma of divorce stresses the body and lowers the immune system's defense against disease.

Maybe a warning should be offered to newly-weds about the consequences of marital breakup. It can be equally dangerous as smoking.

Note : I came across an article some time ago that expressed the pain associated with divorce more dramatically than anything I've read. It is entitled "Death of a Marriage," by Pat Conroy (Atlanta Magazine). I've obtained permission to quote a short passage in hopes of helping someone who is contemplating a divorce. If you know someone who is considering that decision, you might let him or her read Conroy's personal experience. I think it is rather typical of those who have been through that nightmare.

Each divorce is the death of a small civilization. Two people declare war on each other, and their screams and tears infect their entire world with the bacilli of their pain. The greatest comes from the wound where love once issued forth.

"I find it hard to believe how many people now get divorced, how many submit to such extraordinary pain. For there are no clean divorces. Divorces should be conducted in abattoirs or surgical wards. In my own case, I think it would have been easier if Barbara had died. I would have been gallant at her funeral and shed real tears – far easier than staring across a table, telling each other it was over.

It was a killing thing to look at the mother of my children and know what we would not be together for the rest of our lives. It was terrifying to say good-by, to reject a part of my own history.

When I went through my divorce I saw it as a country, and it was treeless, airless; there were no furloughs and no holidays. I entered without passport, without directions and absolutely alone. Insanity and hopelessness grew in that land like vast orchards of malignant fruit. I do not know the precise day that I arrived in that country. Nor am I certain that you can ever renounce your citizenship there.

Each divorce has its own metaphors that grow out of the dying marriage. One man was inordinately proud of his aquarium. He left his wife two weeks after the birth of their son. What visitors noticed next was that she was not taking care of the aquarium. The fish began dying. The two endings became linked in my mind.

For a long time I could not discover my own metaphor of loss – until the death of our dog. Beau, became the irrefutable message that Barbara and I were finished.

Beau was a feisty, crotchety dachshund Barbara had owned when we married. It took a year of pained toleration for us to form our alliance. But Beau had one of those illuminating inner lives that only lovers of dogs can understand. He had a genius for companionship. To be licked by Beau when you awoke in the morning was a fine thing.

On one of the first days of our separation, when I went to the house to get some clothes, my youngest daughter, Megan, ran out to tell me that Beau had been hit by a car and taken to the animal clinic. I raced there and found Ruth Tyree, Beau's veterinarian. She carried Beau in to see me and laid him on the examining table.

I had not cried during the terrible breaking away from Barbara. I had told her I was angry at my inability to cry. Now I came apart completely. It was not weeping, it was screaming, it was despair. The car had crushed Beau's spine, the X ray showing irreparable damage. Beau looked up at me while Dr Tyree handed me a piece of paper, saying that she needed my signature to put Beau to sleep.

I could not write my name because I could not see the paper. I leaned against the examining table and cried as I had never cried in my life, crying not just for Beau but for Barbara, the children, myself, for the death of a marriage, for inconsolable loss. Dr Tyree touched me gently, and I heard her crying above me. And Beau, in the last grand gesture of his life, dragged himself the length of the table on his two good legs and began licking the tears as they ran down my face.

I had lost my dog and found my metaphor. In the X ray of my dog's crushed spine. I was looking at a portrait of my broken marriage. But there are no metaphors powerful enough to describe the moment when you tell the children about divorce. Divorces without children are minor-league divorces.

To look into the eyes of your children and tell them that you are mutilating their family and changing all their tomorrows is an act of desperate courage that I never want to repeat. It is also their parents' last act of solidarity and the absolute sign that the marriage is over. It felt as though I had doused my entire family with gasoline and struck a match.

The three girls entered the room and would not look at me or Barbara. Their faces, all dark wings and grief and human hurt, told me that they already knew. My betrayal of these young, sweet girls filled the room.

They wrote me notes of farewell, since it was I who was moving out. When I read them, I did not see how I could ever survive such excruciating pain. The notes said, "I love you, Daddy. I will visit you." For months I would dream of visiting my three daughters locked in a mental hospital. The fear of damaged children was my most crippling obsession.

For a year, I walked around feeling as if I had undergone a lobotomy. There were records I could not listen to because of their association with Barbara, poems I could not read from books I could not pick up. There is a restaurant I will never return to because it was the scene of an angry argument between us. It was a year when memory was an acid.

I began to develop the odd habits of the very lonely. I turned the stereo on as soon as I entered my apartment. I drank to the point of not caring. I cooked elaborate meals for myself, then could not eat them. I had entered into the dark country of divorce, and for a year I was one of its ruined citizens. I suffered. I survived. I studied myself on the edge, and introduced myself to the stranger who lived within.

Barbara and I had one success in our divorce, and it is an extraordinarily rare one. As the residue of anger and hurt subsided with time, we remained friends. We saw each other for drinks or lunch occasionally, and I met her boyfriend, Tom.

Once, when I was leaving a party, I looked back and saw Barbara and Tom holding hands. They looked very happy together, and it was painful to recognize it. I wanted to go back and say something to Tom, but I mostly wanted to say it to Barbara. I wanted to say that I admired Tom's taste in women."

Reading these powerful words helps explain why I am so thoroughly committed to the concept of lifelong marriage. That's the way it was intended by God when He laid out the blueprint for the family. Of course, we must acknowledge that divorces do occur, and many of my readers have undoubtedly gone through this tragic experience already.

In those cases, we must do all we can to care for them, to pray with them, and to help them deal with the pain that Conroy graphically illustrated. But if we can prevent just one unnecessary dissolution from occurring, with its terrible implications for three or more generations, we will have fulfilled a critically important mission.

How To Get Married in Malaysia (Non-Muslims)

The following is a reproduction from the National Registration Department's web page:

REGISTRATION OF MARRIAGE FOR NON-MUSLIM APPLICANTS GENERAL INFORMATION

1.         Registration of marriage is COMPULSORY for a non-muslim Malaysian.

2.         Non-muslim foreigner living in Malaysia may apply to register their marriage under this act.

APPLICATION CONDITIONS

1.         Applicants are required to be present at the National Registration Department (NRD) counter or Malaysian Representative Office abroad to submit the application for registration of marriage.

2.         The place of application is dependent on the address stated in MyKad (for Malaysian) or the residential address in Malaysia (for non-citizen). This condition does not apply to the application for solemnisation and registration of marriages in churches, temples and associations.

3.         The applicants must reside in the district of marriage for at least 7 days +1 day before applying for marriage at the relevant NRD office. This condition does not apply to the the application for solemnisation and registration of marriage in churches, temples and associations.

4.         For marriage applications where one party or both parties are foreigner, applicants must submit the application to the NRD office. Marriage registration is only allowed at the NRD office.

5.         The registration of marriage shall take place after 21 days + 1 day but not later than 6 months from the date of application. For marriage applications in a Malaysian Representative Office, the application will be sent to the NRD office of the marriage district in Malaysia where each party to the marriage was last ordinarily resident to be displayed for at least 21 days + 1 day.

6.         Police / army personnel MUST get the Approval Letter to get married issued by the head of department concerned.

7.         A licence as listed below, if applicable, have to be submitted with the application for marriage except for the application for a licence using Form JPN.KC01E is to be submitted after the application of marriage at NRD.

7.1.      Application for marriage licence for parties whose relationships are prohibited is to be made using Form JPN.KC01A (subject to the approval of the Chief Minister or Menteri Besar). A fee of RM2.00 will be charged if approved.

7.2.      Written consent to the marriage for one who has not completed 21 years of age but having completed 18 years is to be made using Form JPN.KC01B (requires permission of persons listed in paragraph 2, Form JPN.KC01B). No fee is charged.

7.3.      Application for a marriage licence to dispense with the notice of marriage and certificate for marriage is to be made using Form JPN.KC01C (subject to the approval of the Chief Minister or Menteri Besar). A fee of RM100.00 will be charged if approved.

7.4.      Application for a marriage licence for female below 18 years of age but having completed 16 years is to be made using Form JPN.KC01D (subject to the approval of the Chief Minister or Menteri Besar). A fee of RM10.00 will be charged if approved.

7.5.      Application for a licence to solemnise marriage in a place other than the office of the Registrar is to be made using Form JPN.KC01E (subject to the approval of the Chief Minister or Menteri Besar). A fee of RM500.00 will be charged if approved.

7.6.      The licences JPN.KC01C, JPN.01D and JPN.KC01E are valid for one month from the date of approval.

8.         Student pass or temporary employment pass holder shall get an approval from the Immigration Department of Malaysia to register their marriage in Malaysia.

9.         Non-citizen must produce a letter to confirm their marital status.

10.       Myanmar citizen must produce a letter from their government to allow them to marry in Malaysia.

11.       A confirmation letter from the respective government that the applicant is not a Muslim (i.e. Iran, Iraq, Egypt, Algeria, Pakistan, Bangladesh or other Muslim countries or from any other country if required).

12.       Application for an authorisation letter for registration of marriage to a non-citizen at the NRD office in a different state shall be submitted to the Marriage and Divorce Division’s counter, NRD Headquarters, Putrajaya or by post addressed to:

Ketua Pengarah Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara (Bahagian Perkahwinan dan Perceraian)

No. 20, Persiaran Perdana Presint 2 62551 PUTRAJAYA

(Documents sent by post must include the correct contactible correspondence address)

13.       It is the responsibility of the applicant to have available an interpreter during the registration of marriage if the applicant does not understand Malay Language or English.

14.       Malaysian couples who wish to register customary or religious marriages in churches, temples or associations are required to go to any National Registration Department office to confirm the information on the marriage application and to pay a fee of RM20.00 for the Marriage Register.

REQUIRED DOCUMENTS

1.         Form JPN.KC02 that is completed.

2.         MyKad, MyPR or Malaysian green card (that is still valid).

3.         ORIGINAL passport and photocopy of pages with personal details, the latest arrival date in Malaysia and a valid visa or pass for non-citizen.

4.         One (1) colour passport-sized photograph per applicant.

5.         Approval letter from the Immigration department for the student pass and temporary employment pass holders to register their marriage in Malaysia.

6.         Approval letter to get marriage issued by the head of department for police / army personnel.

7.         ORIGINAL and photocopy of the following documents with translation by a qualified translator into Malay Language or English if not originally in either language must be submitted, i.e:

7.1.      Birth Certificate for non-citizen.

7.2.      Decree nisi absolute (divorce certificate), if applicable.

7.3.      Death certificate of previous spouse, if applicable.

7.4.      Letter verifying marital status of a non-citizen applicant is to be:

7.4.1.   certified by either the Malaysian representative in the applicant’s home country or the applicant's consulate in Malaysia, and

7.4.2.   re-certified by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (Wisma Putra) in Putrajaya, Kuching or Kota Kinabalu.

7.4.3.   If the letter does not have a validity date, it will be deemed valid for 6 months from the date of issue.

7.5.      Approval letter for a Myanmar citizen to marry in Malaysia from their government.

7.6.      Confirmation letter that the applicant is not a Muslim from their government (i.e. Iran, Iraq, Egypt, Algeria, Pakistan, Bangladesh or other Muslim countries or from any other country if required).

8.         Application for an authorisation letter for registration of marriage to a non-citizen at the NRD office in a different state shall be submitted at Marriage and Divorce Division’s counter, NRD Headquarters, Putrajaya or via post shall submit: 8.1.      A cover letter stating the purpose, applicable via post.

8.2.      ORIGINAL letter verifying marital status of a non-citizen applicant which had been:

8.2.1.   certified by either the Malaysian representative in the applicant’s home country or the applicant's consulate in Malaysia, and

8.2.2.   re-certified by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (Wisma Putra) in Putrajaya, Kuching or Kota Kinabalu.

8.3.      Approval letter from the Immigration Department of Malaysia for the student pass and temporary employment pass holders to register their marriage in Malaysia.

8.4.      Photocopy of:

8.4.1.   MyKad.

8.4.2.   Passport’s pages with personal details, the latest arrival date in Malaysia and a valid visa or pass for non-citizen.

8.4.3.   Birth Certificate for non citizen.

8.4.4.   Decree nisi absolute (divorce certificate), if applicable.

8.4.5.   Death certificate of previous spouse, if applicable.

8.5.      Approval letter for Myanmar citizen to marry in Malaysia from their government.

8.6.      Confirmation letter that the applicant is not a Muslim from the respective government (i.e. Iran, Iraq, Egypt, Algeria, Pakistan, Bangladesh or other Muslim countries or from any other country if required).

8.7.      All the above documents must be translated into Malay Language or English by a qualified translator.

8.8.      ORIGINAL documents must be produced when submitting the marriage application to the respective NRD office.

9.         All documents, if applicable, must be translated into Malay Language or English by a qualified translator and submitted with the application.

10.       Applicants who do not understand Malay Language will need to have the declaration in part D1 or D2 of the form JPN.KC02 translated by a qualified interpreter into the language that they understand.

Staying Married For Life

Today, as my mother often said about her marriage to my father, “We’re not out of the woods yet, but we’re on our way, and most importantly we’re still together.”

I kissed my husband John goodbye, waved as I backed down the driveway and drove off for a weekend public speaking engagement. His last words rolled across my mind.

“Be safe and have fun. I realize when you come home you’ll be a new person. I’m looking forward to the changes I’ll see.”

We had talked the night before about not taking each other for granted – in other words, assuming we knew all there was to know about one another – and about the importance of supporting each other as individuals with ideas, dreams and goals of our own.

Yes, we are a married couple but we are also individuals – a man and a woman who have talents and gifts of our own. Changes and challenges were inevitable and we wanted to accept rather than resist them. We committed to working on our relationship so we would not grow complacent.

I can say today, as my mother often said about her marriage to my father, “We’re not out of the woods yet, but we’re on our way, and most important, we’re still together.” She and my dad had walked side by side and climbed over a few boulders, as well, for more than 60 years.

The following suggestions for staying married for life (and happily so) are based on observations, conversations and trial and error in my marriage. They work – thanks to my parents’ example, the advice of people I admire and the counsel of an older married couple, Robert and Grace, who befriended my husband and me many years ago.

Perhaps they will work for you too; practice it and then experience the rewards and results in your marriage.

Be Available

Being “there” for your spouse is what being married is really about. It takes time to get to know another person. If you’re not available, it can’t happen. Our friends Tom and Jenny go out for dinner every Friday night and they have done so for more than 30 years. When their children were young, they had their parents over to watch the kids. Nothing but a serious illness keeps them from this weekly date where they focus on one another in a relaxed setting.

Peter awakens his wife Christine each morning with a cup of her favorite tea. The two then sit in bed together and talk over their plans for the day.

Carol and Alan work together in real estate—a business with unpredictable hours and lots of driving. One works in the field, the other in the office. “Believe it or not we rarely see each other during the day so we’ve made a point of having lunch together,” said Carol. “Nothing gets in the way of that one hour when we can talk, plan, laugh and debrief.”

And Mary and David bought a karaoke machine when they spend their time together each night before going to bed. “The couple that sings together stays together,” Mary joked.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Be Attentive

Have you ever walked up to someone at an event, and as you begin talking, he or she nods and makes polite sounds, but is clearly elsewhere in spirit? He scans the crowd while he’s standing with you. Or she peeks around your shoulder as if to say, “I wonder who else is here.” It’s chilling to be on the receiving end of such treatment. It’s bad enough when it occurs at a social or business gathering, but it can be devastating in a marriage.

To be attentive, one must pay attention! Look your spouse in the eye. Listen for your mate’s heart, not just for his or her words. This is an area of challenge for almost everyone. We lead such busy lives that many of us have made a habit of doing more than one thing at the same time. We make phone calls while driving, cook with one hand and scribble a list with the other, cut a child’s hair as we help our mate with the monthly finances.

Later we wonder where the years went and why we don’t feel as connected to our husband or wife as we hoped we would. We long for another hug. We wish we could laugh and play more. We notice a growing distance between us. If this is true for you, take heart. It’s not too late. Regardless of how long you’ve been married, you can learn from those mistakes. Each of us can choose today to start paying attention to the person we promised to love and cherish for a lifetime.

Be Aware

A friend of mine had a successful restaurant business for 20 years. He credited it to his weekly round-table meetings with his employees. “He knew his people would not be effective if they were carrying around emotional baggage,” said his wife, Anne. Each Monday morning Frank invited them to share anything that might interfere with them doing their job. “At the end of the meeting you could feel the change in the air,” she said. “Employees felt closer to one another because they knew they weren’t alone. Other people cared.”

This custom inspired me. I started practicing it with my husband. Instead of assuming I know what’s going on with him when I suspect something is upsetting him, I’d ask if he’d like to talk and if so, I try to listen and empathize rather than rush in with a pat answer.

Be Appreciative

“Thank you.”

Two words spouses don’t hear often enough – from one another:

“Thank you for being my love.”

“Thank you for working so hard for our family.”

“Thank you for supporting me.”

“Thank you for being you.”

Gratitude is not an option. Give thanks in all circumstances.

The more we express our appreciation toward our mates, the freer we become of negative thoughts and emotions toward one another. Resentment and judgment cannot exist in the same space with appreciation.

“Gratitude is the rosemary of the heart,” wrote 19th century writer Minna Antrim.

How little it would take to sprinkle rosemary into the lives of our spouses. A simple ‘thank you’ every single day would do it!

As we become available, attentive, aware, and appreciative toward our marriage partners, we are building a relationship that will last a lifetime – and happily so.

Introduction

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